the (not so fine) art of dating while wearing a wig / battling alopecia / sporting bald spots.

i wish i could say that dating and being bald-ish was something i was good at - or even remotely comfortable with - but it isn't. although it has made for some great / awkward situations. when my alopecia areata started getting really bad about 6 months ago, it happened at the same time that my long-term boyfriend and i split up. the timing of it all was so bad it was actually comedic (in a sad way). we split up and i pretty much immediately had to get a wig (although i'd already been shopping for one). i'm not saying the two were related, but it meant going through a lot of loss at the same time. the loss of a relationship and the loss of my hair and confidence.

the amazing news is that hair loss and the end of a relationship, are not the end of the world. although it can feel like it is, it's best to ignore that feeling, cause that feeling doesn't know what's up. i've been out with a few guys who insisted they didn't care. i've been out with a few guys who pretended to not care, but i think they actually might have. and i've been out with a few guys who were definitely uncomfortable with it. i'd actually been on a bunch of dates (more than 10) with one guy who was never comfortable enough to see what was (or wasn't) under my wig and who seemed to think i should spend all our time together wearing the wig, so as to not burden his eyes with the painful sting of my patchy baldness. that one definitely didn't work out.

i've surveyed a few of my good friends about how i should broach the subject of alopecia with my dates, and the general consensus was that i should mention it when the moment felt right. i've found that there is never really a moment that feels right to tell someone that i'm wearing a wig because i currently have the worlds largest female combover. i'm an open book, so for me personally, i'd rather be honest with people about it from the beginning. i usually try to bring it up within the first couple of dates. if someone compliments me on my hair, i'll use that as a segue into wig-ville.

more than anything, i wanted other single people struggling with alopecia, or any kind of hair loss, to know that they aren't alone and that confidence comes from within. having a full head of hair would really help, but this is a chance to showoff your other amazing qualities (like your eyes, or your ability to juggle flaming bowling pins...) and be confident with who you are. one of the best pieces of advice / insight i've received in the last year, is that there's more to me than my hair. if there's more to me than my hair, then the same must apply to you. love yourself and be happy with what you do have - the rest will fall into place*.


footnote:
*i'm not psychic, so i can't say this with complete certainty. 

new adventures in old medicine.

i'm starting to realize there are two very divided camps when it comes to medicine. those who support modern medicine, and those who support traditional medicine (ie. traditional chinese medicine). i realize this is a great generalization, but in general, i'm very good at generalizing. i saw a "specialist" a couple of months ago, who was a complete arse and pretty much said that when i realized traditional medicine would fail me, to come see him (i not so politely told him that his "modern" medicine failed me first). anyway, that was my first taste of the divide between the two camps. the second came today as i researched the most recent treatment my tcm practitioner (traditional chinese medicine) suggested. albeit, the treatment has an interesting name... and the tool used for treatment is even more interesting / terrifying. it's called plum blossom hammer or seven star hammer and is a tiny "hammer" (nothing like a plum blossom) with 7 needles in it. i've attached a photo for fun.

i picked up the sugar plum fairy hammer (as i like to call it, much to my tcm practitioner's dismay) - it was $15 in china town. perhaps this is where i should include a disclaimer: i am not a doctor / nurse. i only pretend to be one on the internet. i saw my tcm practitioner today, he cleaned one of my baldspots and proceeded to "tap" it with this hammer for about a minute (which felt like a lot longer). it bled a bit and was a little painful during and after (not surprising, considering it's a tiny hammer with nails in it). the intention of it is not to aggressively tenderize your scalp, but to encourage blood flow and stimulate circulation. i don't know. remember when i said i wasn't a doctor? i'm hopeful that it will make a difference. my tcm practitioner thinks we're on the right track with the herbs i'm taking, and a lot of my spots are growing in (but i've also got a couple of new ones, which is a big bummer). i'm just trying to stay positive and open to every option. going forward, i'll be hitting myself in the head with my sugar plum hammer - one spot every 5 days or so.

as they say, keep calm and hammer on. (nobody says that, nor should they start).

baby steps (and baby hairs).

i am the proud owner of a lot of new hair sprouts (and a few new bald spots - but let's not focus on those). my hair is coming in white. not blonde. not grey. white. although there's also some darker hair coming in. i hate to sound desperate, but i'll take any hair i get. check out this photo of my hair in april, june and then yesterday. i think i'm finally making progress in the right (and less bald) direction.

here's a list of what i'm doin' that may (or may not) be helping:

TCM:
i'm still seeing my doctor in traditional chinese medicine. i think he's amazing. every time i see him, he does accupuncture, as well as giving me chinese herbs to take twice a day. if you're in or near toronto, i'd highly recommend him. email me if you want his deets. 

supplements:

• silicea, 1 tbsp / day
• iron, 2 / day (thorne, ferrasorb - this is the greatest iron supplement i've ever taken. evar.)
• vitamin c, 2 / day (natural factors, 1000mg)
• biotin, 1 / day (natural factors, biotin)
• vitamin d, 4 drops / day (genestra, d-mulsion)
• magnesium, 3 before bed (canprev, magnesium bis-glycinate)

shampoo / conditioner:

• giovanni, tea tree triple treat shampoo
• kiss my face, whenever conditioner (i put this on my scalp, but use an intense conditioner for my ends)

and i'm still applying this cream to my spots:
homemade vitamin d anti-inflammatory cream:
 combine:
- d-mulsion (genestra) 30ml
http://www.rockwellnutrition.com/D-Mulsion-1000-Liquid-Emulsified-Vitamin-D-by-Genestra.html
- cosmaderm (aor) 30g
http://www.aor.ca/html/products.php?id=47
- aloe vera cream (ferlow botanicals) 60ml
http://www.ferlowbotanicals.com/50.177.0.0.1.0.phtml?hashID=38mu54pdtnhkbn297nfs6310p2

mix products and store in an airtight container. apply 2x / day.

most importantly: stay positive. (written by someone who sometimes sorta excels at it, and sometimes definitely doesn't).

typical male reaction to a conversation about alopecia areata.

me: "i'm actually wearing a wig. i've got an auto-immune system disorder called alopecia areata, which basically means i've got patches of bald spots on my head."

dude: "does your alopecia affect anywhere else on your body?" (while not so subtly staring at crotch).


end scene.

fear of flying - wig wearer edition

not sure if all wigs are like this, but mine has metal clips in it. tiny metal clips that love to pull out my actual hair. i should remove those. anyway, friday morning will be my first flight since getting my wig. i'm torn as to whether or not i should wear a hat, or wear the wig and hope they don't frisk my hair.

i'm currently thinking i should wear the wig (as they'll most likely definitely make me take the hat off to go through security) and then just deal with whatever alarms i might set off, when / if i set them off. i'm just a little worried they'll make me take my wig off in front of a huge line up of people. actually, i'm worried they'll make me take it off, period. i mean, if they make you take your shoes off, why wouldn't they make you take off a wig?

i'll post an update as soon as i've cleared security.

----

UPDATE:
airport security doesn't give a shart about wigs or what's under them. take that piece of info and use it however you will.

pins and needles.

warning / spoiler alert: this post contains a photo of needles sticking out of me.


last week i had my first appointment with someone who specializes in traditional chinese medicine (tcm). he came highly recommended by a couple of my awesome co-workers. to super duper dumb it down, tcm works by s... no, you know what? google it. if you want to know how tcm works, google that shit. there's noway i can give it the explanation it deserves. i will say that this tcm practitioner checked my pulse in a million (or 9) places on each wrist to get an idea of how my organs are functioning. i will also say that somehow (through the magic of old school science and medicine) he was able to specifically ask if i'd had mono as a teenager. you'd be more impressed by this if you knew that i had mono when i was 18 and my alopecia areata started 6 months after that. impressive, right? he said my spleen isn't doing its job as well as it should be (slacker spleen) and he believes that is a result of the mono. he doesn't think the mono caused my alopecia areata, but he does think that the mono (and slacker spleen) have made it tougher for my body to deal with the alopecia.

i'm drinking a special tea 3 times a day (and fortunately it doesn't taste like garbage) and taking some herbs to support it. i'd tell you what the herbs are, but i can't because my keyboard doesn't have chinese characters. he also mentioned that he couldn't guarantee results and that we'd know more in 3 - 6 months. i have faith.

then he did acupuncture, which i decided to document in photographs instead of relaxing like i was supposed to.

oh! i've also added silica to my daily regime. i take 1tbsp of the liquid twice a day. it tastes like nothing, but the texture is really, really weird. it's somehow wet and dry at the same time.

crop circles on my head.

people get so excited about crop circles when they appear in crops.
people get a lot less excited when they appear in someone's hair.

i think my scalp circles look kinda neat. not neat enough that i'd walk around with them confidently on display, but neat enough that i suppose this could be considered acceptance.

tomorrow i see someone in traditional chinese medicine.
i wonder what kind of horrible things they'll tell me to drink.
post to follow!

wiggin' out. a girl with alopecia's guide to buying a wig.

know what's better than having a natural head of your own healthy hair? having a head of healthy hair that was created from the hair of strangers. well, maybe it's not better than you own hair, but it's a pretty great back up plan.

like many things in life, the experience of buying a wig will be whatever you make of it. i tried really (really) hard to look at it like the funnest, most exciting adventure i'd ever been on. it definitely wasn't, but it also wasn't the worst thing that's ever happened to me.

for me, the biggest struggle was deciding whether or not i even really needed a wig. even though i'd put down a deposit and booked an appointment for my wig to be cut, i still wasn't sure it was the right decision. i didn't actually know it was the right decision until i wore it out of the wig shop and in public for the first time. it was the best i'd felt about myself in months (and months). i definitely made the right choice.

here's what i've learned about wigs:

shop around. i'd recommend making an appointment and going for a consultation. for some reason, almost all wig websites are terrifying. don't be scared. if you're in or near toronto, here are links to the places i checked out:

• gabi's wigs. this is where mine came from. they're great and have a lot of options. 
• hair & wigs.
• continental hair.

if you want long hair, then european human hair is probably your best bet. human hair is much higher maintenance, but it looks (and behaves) like... human hair. it's also really expensive. my wig was $2800+tax (eek!). it was about $2800 more than i wanted to pay for a wig (or for anything, really). i'm so lucky i was in a position to even consider such a thing, and it's been worth every penny. maybe people are just being nice, but i get lots of compliments on it. people who didn't know about my struggle with alopecia just thought i'd had my hair coloured.

if $2800 is out of your budget, don't lose hope. if you have benefits, you might have coverage through work - check with your benefits plan. in canada, the government provides a tax credit for medical wigs (you just need a note from your doctor). click here to find out more. gabi's wigs had a wide variety of wigs (human and synthetic) for a range of prices. mine was one of the more expensive ones. the shorter the hair, the less expensive it will be.

bring a friend (or an entire entourage). i tried my best to not cry during my appointments, but unfortunately for everyone around me, i'm really good at crying in public. i have no shame. friends are good for moral support - unless you have crappy friends - in which case email me and i'll go with you. i'm seriarse. i'd also recommend bringing a friend (and reference photos) when it comes time to have your wig cut and coloured. the thing with wigs is that they don't grow. that's a pretty permanent (and kind of stressful) hair cut. i loved the colour of mine, so i just needed some layers and fringe added. the first cut was included in the cost of the wig, and they did a stellar job.

caring for a human hair wig, is a lot like caring for your own hair... if you were able to just remove your scalp. it's kind of like having a giant expensive doll. i brush my wig everyday. put rollers in for body. straighten it when it's actin' crazy. it's kind of awesome. the great thing about synthetic wigs is that typically they're all wash and wear, but you can't use heat to style them. human hair gives you a bit more flexibility in that sense.

as for my real hair, it's still falling out in chunks (but some of it is regrowing). i'm still waiting patiently for the growing in to catch up with the falling out.

the state of the nation (on the top of my head).

sadly for me (and my hair follicles) my scalp is still rejecting my hair at a feverish rate. i'm continuing with all my vitamins + minerals, and applying the anti-inflammatory cream every night (ish). the cream definitely seems to help the hair grow back faster. click here for the "recipe" for the cream.

in other news, i bought a wig this week. bye bye, combover! i went with human hair (it's the hair of four different women, somewhere in europe - thanks ladies!). it'll be nice to be able to go out with my hair down, sans combover and sans headband... even if it's not my own hair. it still needs to be cut, but will be ready in a week. i went to a couple different wig shops, but ended up buying one from gabi's wigs. gabi is amazing (and so is my friend who came with me and watched me try on dozens of wigs and cry a little bit). i got a wig that's pretty close to my natural hair colour, and a smidge longer than my current length. it will be the healthiest head of hair i've ever had. maybe it will inspire my hair to do some growing.

something alopecia areata has taught me.

if you've been reading my blog from the beginning (a whole 2 months ago) you'd know that I've had alopecia for around 13 years. for most of those 13 years (up until about a year ago) my bald spots were pretty respectful. i rarely had more than one at a time and they were always easy to hide.  despite this, since discovering my first bald spot, i constantly worried about how bad it could get and how i would possibly cope if i got a bald spot on the top of my head, or more than one at a time. i'm now the proud owner of over 10 bald spots, half of which are on the top of my head, and i'm totally coping and functioning. not to say it's been a walk in the park, but this big bad fear i'd had for a long time, has come to fruition and it's totally manageable. 

the moral of this blog post / life experience: the human spirit is as resilient as we allow it to be.
the lesson as it applies more specifically to me: i'm not as much of a pussy as i thought. 

eliminating the elimination diet.

four long, hungry weeks ago i set out on a mission to eliminate all of my favourite foods from my daily repertoire in order to determine which (if any) of them make my body cranky. this mission is called the elimination (or anti-inflammatory) diet, and i'm happy to say, i survived.

last week i started re-introducing food. so far i've added dairy, eggs, sugar and corn without any issue.

for the 3 weeks that i was on the strict part of the diet, i was pretty lethargic (which was probably a nice change for the people around me who find me annoyingly hyper). as soon as i re-introduced dairy last week, my energy levels were back, and i've been feeling great since. i still have to re-introduce a few big ones (soy, nightshades, gluten).

in terms of my hair, lots of spots are growing in, but i'm still losing a lot of hair. the patches on the top of my head have lovely new sprouts, but the areas around them are now falling out. i've been channeling my inner hippie and wearing scarves on my head everyday. i've included a couple pics that i took in my glamourous work bathroom. the scarves have been amazing for covering the spots on the top of my head. and it's a nice break from wearing hats everyday. all of my silk scarves came from my mom (thanks, mom!) or ebay.

in other news, later today i've got an appointment for a wig consultation. i've really struggled with this decision. part of me feels like i'm giving up by getting a wig / partial, the other part of me is tired of wearing hats / scarves and worrying about spots showing on a daily basis. that being said, i'm pretty excited for my appointment and finding out more about what my options are. i just might come home with a platinum blonde wig that goes to my waist. but probably not. blog post to follow...

an open letter to my hair.

dear hairs on my head,

please stop falling out. i really like you and think you look really nice (when you're attached to my head, not when you're clogging my bathtub drain).

with warmest regards,
the head you are (or were) growing from

good news / bad news.

good news! a lot of my bald spots are regrowing (and most of them are growing in brown, not white!).

bad news! the parts without hair are increasing, and it's falling out in freaky deaky chunks, which is pretty freaky deaky. 

good news! i'm almost at the re-introduction portion of the elimination / anti-inflammatory diet. which is great, because i really miss cheese, gin and red meat. and i'm hungry. all. the. time. 

the diet itself will be over in a few weeks, which works out perfectly with a trip i just booked to hawaii, which works out perfectly with my latest treatment decision. as soon as this diet's over, i'm going to spend more time focusing on taking care of myself, eating well and being as awesome as i can be everyday... and spend less time focusing on my alopecia. applying cream to my bald spots twice a day might be helping my hair regrow, but on an emotional level, i don't think it's doing me any favours. i get to see progress (which is great) but it also forces me to see more hair loss, and that aspect of it is disturbing for me. i'm definitely not at the point where i need a wig, but it's continually getting tougher to keep all of the spots covered on the top of my head. on the suggestion of a friend i've bought a bunch of silk scarves to wear as headbands. constantly fussing with my hair to keep my combover where it should be, is (not surprisingly) also not great for my ego.

anyway, it could be worse. at least i'm surrounded by great family and friends who don't give a shart how much hair i do or don't have. 

gluten for punishment or: how i learned to stop worrying & love the elimination diet.

in my humble opinion, i'm kickin' arse on the elimination / anti-inflammatory / anti-everything i love eating diet. i think my mood has been pretty good (my friends and co-workers might say otherwise), my energy levels are a smidge lower than usual, but i feel pretty great. not great enough to do this for the rest of my life though. AND a bunch of my spots are growing in. and they're even growing in with pigment! i've also noticed that my bald spots are a lot less red. i'm still drinking the 300 year old witch doctor tea that i mentioned here, but one of my wonderful co-workers (who i like to refer to as my work-naturopath, cause he's pretty well researched on this stuff) put it in capsules for me. no more horrid taste twice a day, and no more nausea. amazing. so i'm feeling super duper positive. i bought a couple new hats to get me through the days where my bald spots aren't cooperating and i can't keep them hidden. i showed them who's boss.

in my last post, i wrote a bit about the diet, but here's a more thorough breakdown:

no:

• gluten
• eggs
• dairy
• soy
• sugar
• nightshades (what a dumb word for tomatos, peppers, potatos and eggplant)
• mushrooms
• corn (i. love. popcorn.)
• vinegar (this means no olives. which i also love.)
• strawberries, bananas, citrus fruit
• caffeine

yes:

• chicken and fish
• a shit ton of vegetables
• quinoa and brown rice
• olive oil
• raw almonds, brazil nuts, sunflower seeds...
• blueberries, apples, mangos
• almond milk
• tons of water

follow this for 3 weeks (gives your body a break from some hard to process foods). after 3 weeks, re-introduce 1 food item for 3 consecutive days. if you have no reaction - hooray! keep eating! if your body does react - return to the strict diet for 2 days and then add another type of food. i'd read a lot online about the relationship between gluten and alopecia (apparently there is one, and it's not good). i'm hoping to stay off gluten going forward. i wish i could say the same about sugar, but i love it too much. i'll definitely cut back.

and i'm still applying this cream:
--

homemade vitamin d anti-inflammatory cream:
 combine:
- d-mulsion (genestra) 30ml
http://www.rockwellnutrition.com/D-Mulsion-1000-Liquid-Emulsified-Vitamin-D-by-Genestra.html
- cosmaderm (aor) 30g
http://www.aor.ca/html/products.php?id=47
- aloe vera cream (ferlow botanicals) 60ml
http://www.ferlowbotanicals.com/50.177.0.0.1.0.phtml?hashID=38mu54pdtnhkbn297nfs6310p2

mix products and store in an airtight container. apply 2x / day.
--

the diet takes about 5 weeks in total. i think i'll make it.

taking the treat out of treatment. my new alopecia areata treatment plan.

my wonderful naturopath (seriously, she's amazing) has suggested i try many not so wonderful things since since she started treating my alopecia last year. examples of not so wonderful things include: rubbing onion juice on my head, applying an oil concoction to my head every night for 3 months, drinking horrible tinctures, not eating sugar, and so on. when she suggested i try an anti-inflammatory diet that involved cutting out awesome things like; gluten, dairy, soy, eggs and sugar, my initial response was no. i really like sugar. when she said it would only be for 3 weeks, it seemed bearable.

here's the new plan; i'm keeping up with all the stuff listed in this blog post here,
http://thealopeciaproject.blogspot.ca/2013/01/taking-stand-for-my-strands-my-current.html
and as of friday, for the next three weeks i'm officially gluten, dairy, soy, egg and sugar free. i can eat lots of veggies, chicken and limited fruit. i also have to continue drinking the blood cleanse tea that was made for me by my 300 year old herbalist. i describe the tea in the link above as well. my naturopath also recommended applying an anti-inflammatory cream twice a day instead of cortisone. deets listed below.

i know people eat healthy everyday. good for them! i'm not one of those people. i eat relatively healthy, but i definitely eat gluten + dairy + soy + eggs + sugar pretty much daily. it'll be tough, and will mean missing out on goodies at a baby shower, a couple of concerts, a work event and a retirement party, but hopefully it'll be worth it. i've spent the last couple of days trying to get myself and my fridge ready for it. i've also eaten a bit more candy than usual, just in case it doesn't taste as good in 3 weeks when the diet is over.

--

homemade vitamin d anti-inflammatory cream:
 combine:
- d-mulsion (genestra) 30ml
http://www.rockwellnutrition.com/D-Mulsion-1000-Liquid-Emulsified-Vitamin-D-by-Genestra.html
- cosmaderm (aor) 30g
http://www.aor.ca/html/products.php?id=47
- aloe vera cream (ferlow botanicals) 60ml
http://www.ferlowbotanicals.com/50.177.0.0.1.0.phtml?hashID=38mu54pdtnhkbn297nfs6310p2

mix products and store in an airtight container. apply 2x / day.
--

i'll keep y'all posted on how it goes.

things worse than alopecia. part 2.

sometimes my bald spots get me down, for those days i've got lists about why life is awesome and what makes me lucky. i don't actually want to post those lists online, so here's a slightly over the top internet version. if your alopecia areata (or other unrelated problem) is getting you down, feel better, because things could be worse. and if you have one of the conditions below, i am truly sorry.

for your reading enjoyment (hopefully) here is part 2 in an ongoing series of things worse than alopecia areata.

• epidermodysplasia verruciformis. sure there's a poem about how lovely trees are, but it would probably suck to turn into a tree.
• living in an iron lung. unless mtv started a series called "pimp my iron lung" in which case, it could be cool. 
• pica disorder. if you have pica disorder, you'd eat dirt, because you want to. which i suppose is better than eating dirt and not wanting to. 

meet the bald spots.

in honour of sunday, here's a series of photos of where my bald spots are at. allow me to introduce you to them. 

on the left, we've got the two spots i've had for over a year. they're starting to grow in thin and white. in the middle, we've got a series of spots that have been forming over the course of the last few months. the one closest to my forehead (that's growing in white) started first, then the one to the left of it started, then the one closest to the back of my head, and that little canal joining the front and back one just happened over the past couple of weeks. i can also see the front one is spreading to the left. these spots are definitely the most worrisome for me, and toughest to cover. it seems as though they're starting to sprout new hair, but it's quite fine and some of it is white. on the right, the larger spot is a couple of months old, and is growing in white. the spot above it is new. 

i have other tiny spots around my head, but as of right now they're nothing of consequence. 

i should also note that i haven't coloured my hair in almost 4 years. the brown is my natural colour, and the white regrowth is my new natural colour. it will be interesting to see if they all grow in white, and if they grow in thick, or if my hair is just going to be thinner now. i actually don't mind the white hair. it's definitely better than no hair.

to be honest, it kind of hurts my heart to look at these photos and see how much worse it's gotten over the past year, but it also makes me thankful for how well i'm able to keep things covered. 

hypnotizing the alopecia out of me.

according to the internet, there has been some success in treating alopecia areata with hypnotherapy. the general consensus seems to be that alopecia areata is caused by stress / anxiety / depression. i don't necessarily believe this to be true, but since i'm trying almost any solution i can find online / in real life, i figured i'd give it a shot.

i had my first session a few days ago. it was interesting, and definitely not what i expected. mentally, i was much more alert than i thought i'd be. physically, i was pretty relaxed and would've loved to have taken a nap. the appointment started with my hypnotherapist helping me write statements that she would say to me when i was hypnotized. they were mostly about:

• acceptance (of alopecia areata, and whatever hair loss happens as a result of it).
• embracing the future and unknown (worrying less).
• feeling positive (about myself and the world around me).
• encouraging good health and hair growth. 

i got myself comfy in the chair and she began talking about how relaxed i was getting, and then there was lots of counting down to how much more relaxed i would get. she read the positive statements to me, and repeated them twice and then she counted me out of hypnosis. that entire process took about 15 minutes. i recorded the whole thing on my phone so i could listen to it at night before bed. when i left the appointment, i felt amazing, positive and euphoric. like, tipping my hat at various strangers kind of good. my next appointment is in a week. apparently that session will be a deeper, more intense hypnosis. i'll post an update after that.

i just did a took a brief survey of two (myself and my friend) and we both agree that i'm typically a happy, upbeat and positive person. i don't really get stressed, and am definitely not depressed. that being said, i am a bit of a worrier, which i'm trying to get in control. over the last 13 years of having alopecia areata, this is by far the worst it's ever been, but it's definitely not the most stressed i've ever been, which is why i have a hard time believing the two are related. i'm still hopeful that hypnotherapy might work for me. and event if it doesn't, that feeling of euphoria i get afterwards, is pretty great.

coping and not coping.

late last week i was in panic mode about my hair, lack of hair and possible worst case scenarios (ie., what happens if i lose all my hair, everyone disowns me and the sky falls down). i was pretty upset. i let myself wallow in it for a day, then i slept it off and woke up the next morning ready to kick some alopecia butt. i think sometimes it's important to hit a low-low, really feel it and then use that negative energy to motivate yourself into something positive.

IF all my hair fell out, i'd buy 1 (or 12) kick arse wigs. i'd never have a bad hair day again.

IF my hair continues to fall out in the patchy way it has been and i'm no longer able to use my hair as a donald trump inspired comb over, i'd buy some hats and scarves and rock that look. i've also been researching partial wigs, and a hair thickening powder that's used in the film industry. i haven't tried it yet, but i've heard and read good things. here's a link if you're curious. http://www.surethik.com/

some days are easier than others, and i find it's the fear of the unknown that's scarier than anything. i used to get so upset when i found 1 bald spot. now that i've got 9 and counting, i'm trying to freak out less, and do a better job of appreciating the hair i've got, while i've got it. at the risk of sounding silly, i'm trying to look at this as an adventure. each day brings something new, whether it's a new bald spot, or new hair growth, or a new friend in a similar situation. i think there's a bigger lesson on acceptance and coping that's happening here. i might come out of this without any hair, but at least i'll have learned a lot about dealing with the unexpected.

tomorrow's adventure: hypnotherapy!

a macro photo of hair sprouts.

admittedly, this photo is kind of gross. it's a little less gross for me since it's my own head and it means my hair is making a triumphant return. if it makes you gag, sorry. but i tried to warn you.

earlier today i had decided to go off the blood cleanse tea. i've been taking it for almost a month, which is a long time to gag on tea twice a day. but maybe it's working. or maybe my immune system is finally chilling out a bit. either way, i'll take it! welcome aboard, tiny hairs.

2 lesser known alopecia solutions that totally didn't work for me, but totally might work for you.

1. don't eat raw eggs.
biotin deficiency can cause alopecia (and brittle hair). raw eggs (specifically the whites) bind to biotin and deplete the body of it. for the record, i never sat around eating raw eggs. however, i did sit around eating cookie dough and cake batter. did i mention that i enjoy baking and like sugar? i used to take a biotin supplement by natural factors - http://naturalfactors.com/caen/products/detail/2828/biotin

2. onion juice will put hair on your head. maybe.
the internet (and real life) are full of people that insist putting onion juice on your pesky bald spots can help hair regrow. i've tried this, and yes it made my hair grow back, but my hair (so far) has always grown back. did it make it grow back faster? maybe. just try it. so you'll smell like a salad bar for a while. you could smell like worse things.

the wisdom to know the difference.

i'm not religious, and i'm not an alcoholic, but i think the serenity prayer is a sweet way to keep shit in check. i think this is pretty sweet, and alopecia appropriate, too:

for every ailment under the sun

there is a remedy, or there is none;

if there be one, try to find it;

if there be none, never mind it.

-  w.w. bartley

since my diagnosis 13 years ago, i've seen 5 doctors, 2 specialists (dermatologists) 2 naturopaths, 1 homeopath and 1 herbalist. so far, none of them have been able to cure my alopecia areata. i haven't exhausted every option yet, but at a certain point, i think i'll just have to accept that this is the way it is and find comfort in the fact that i don't have all my hair, but i have my health (which is already a pretty comforting thought). anyway, i think this poem hits the mark.

taking a stand for my strands. my current alopecia areata treatment regime.

since my alopecia areata has gotten worse over the course of the last year, i've tried to be pro-active about treating and seeking alternate solutions. sure, none of them have really worked so far, but at least if i lose all my hair, i'll know it didn't happen for a lack of trying to keep it. or maybe, hopefully, something will help.

shampoo:
i try to stick with natural shampoos. i alternate between:
- ferlow botanicals, neem shampoo
http://www.ferlowbotanicals.com/12.48.0.0.1.0.phtml
and:
- giovanni, tea tree triple treat shampoo
http://www.makeupalley.com/product/showreview.asp/itemid=17629

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vitamins + minerals:
- iron, thorne, ferrasorb (1 cap, 2x/day)
http://www.thorne.com/
*this iron supplement is great. i had a hard time getting my iron levels up. this did the trick.

i always take my iron with
- natural factors, vitamin c (1 cap, 2x/day)
http://naturalfactors.com/caen/products/detail/2838/vitamin-c

- vitamin d, genestra, d-mulsion (2 drops in the am)
http://www.rockwellnutrition.com/D-Mulsion-1000-Liquid-Emulsified-Vitamin-D-by-Genestra.html

- biotin, natural factors (1 cap, 1x/day)
http://naturalfactors.com/caen/products/detail/2828/biotin

- fish oil, ascenta, omega-3 (4 caps, 1x/day)
http://www.ascentahealth.com/products

- magnesium (helps you sleep and poop), rx balance, magnesium bisglycinate (3 caps @ bedtime)
http://rxbalance.com/products.html

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blood, liver + kidney cleanse tea: from the herbalist / 300 year old witch doctor

contains:
blood root powder
golden seal root
blessed thistle
parsley

1/4 tsp in 1/2 cup water on an empty stomach. 2x/day. disgusting.

i've been drinking this since december 17, 2012. i'm supposed to drink it until it's gone, which will be months and months from now. i'll probably give myself another month on it and then send it down the toilet. the same way that it's sent my food down the toilet more than once.

*there is no link for this because this remedy is older than time. and time is pretty old. 
**when the 300 year old witch doctor gave me the tea, i asked if i could still drink (i don't drink super often, but i've been known to put back some jagermeister). her response was, "drink? do you mean table wine?" cute. i didn't tell her about my flask.

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topical:
cortisone applied to affected areas 2x/day. 

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food stuffs:
i love eating! especially sugar and popcorn. and cheese.

i try to eat lots of protein, fruits and veggies everyday.
in reality, i eat lots of protein, candy, fruit and some veggies. i also drink a ton of water, and rarely have caffeine. i'm naturally annoyingly hyper.

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other things:
i try to be positive and focus on stuff other than alopecia (which is in complete contradiction with having a blog about alopecia and constantly seeking various treatment options). when i'm not blogging / taking photos of my bald spots / seeing my naturopath, i am volunteering / out with friends / watching tv / at work talking about tv (i work in broadcasting, so this is ok) / indoor rock climbing / biking / baking (and trying to not eat cookie dough) / watching animal videos / designing things...

i also try to keep things in perspective and focus on what i do have instead of what i don't.

things worse than alopecia. part 1.

alopecia is no walk in the park, but it's also not the worst thing out there. as an ongoing mini-project on being positive / not wallowing in hairloss, here's a short list of things that are worse than alopecia.

• cancer. this is self explanatory. not only do cancer patients also (sometimes) lose their hair, but they've also got cancer. CANCER.
• aquagenic urticaria. if crying could kill me, i'd be very sad. 
• not having any fingers. if i didn't have any fingers, it would be really tough to constantly poke at my bald spots. it would also be hard to use forks. and almost impossible to use chopsticks. 
• human werewolf syndrome. it's like alopecia but the opposite. and probably way worse. 

a theory (one of many).

as everyone knows, the internet doesn't lie. recently, my bald spots have started growing in white. i found an article online, boldly stating that alopecia doesn't attack white hair. obviously my hair outsmarted alopecia and has begun growing in white as a form of self defense. it's just a theory, and i might not be the internet, but i'm pretty sure i'm right. maybe.

can you spot the difference?

the image on the left is about as normal as i can get my hair to look - which is pretty good - especially when you compare it with what happens if i flip my combover / side part to the other side. 

note: the white hairs growing out of the middle of the front bald spot. not sure if you can really see them. anyway, i've got a theory, and it involves those white hairs. i also have a theory about how the light turns off in the fridge, but i'll save that for a different blog. 

the evolution of a bald spot.

this is the story of a girl and her hair follicles. if you pay close attention, and are very smart at maths, you'll even figure out how old she is.

13 years ago, when i was 19, i was diagnosed with alopecia areata. my hairdresser actually gave me the initial diagnosis after cutting off all my hair, in a move inspired by keri russell on felicity. unfortunately for me, i don't look like keri russell and the haircut wasn't super flattering. fortunately for me, i didn't have my own tv show and as a result, didn't have to deal with the wrath of fans who hated my new haircut. also, fortunately for me, my hair was just long enough to cover my bald spot. i saw my doctor who confirmed my hairdresser's diagnosis. he gave me topical cortisone and said it would likely grow back in a few months.

since then, i've gotten (at least) a couple of new bald spots each year. they always grow back within months and only proved to be mildly disturbing. although me being the skilled worrier that i am, on a few instances i sought out treatment that was slightly more radical than boring old topical steroids. one time i tried going on anti-depressants to see if it would help me cope with stress. it didn't reduce stress, but it did make me feel like a robot. then i tried cortisone injections. i was warned the series of 3 injections required could result in a dented scalp. i ended up with a dented scalp after the first injection, and i still had a bald spot.

a couple of years ago i ended up getting a bald spot at the front of my head that was a bit of a kick in the pants for me. if i can't see my bald spots, they don't bother me. as soon as a bald spot is staring back at me in the mirror, i kinda lose my shit. so i started seeing a naturopath. turns out i was low iron (but not low enough that i couldn't donate blood - sorry to anyone that might have become anemic from my blood transfusions). she suggested i rub onion juice on any bald spots twice a day. not surprisingly, the onion juice smelled a lot like onions and simmered nicely in the summer heat and under my bike helmet. i didn't notice astounding results, but i have read that onion juice does help hair regrow. i don't know why it would. i'm not a scientist. i also switched to using a natural, tea tree oil shampoo.

about a year ago, i developed two, really large bald spots at the base of my hairline. so large that they pretty much raised the base of my hairline by about 3 inches. at this point i started seeing a new naturopath. the larger spots weren't growing in, and i had 4 new spots (a new record. zing!). my naturopath did a scalp test and it came back positive for tinea. she had me apply an oil concoction (coconut oil, olive oil, castor oil and thyme) to my scalp every night to kill any fungal bacteria ickiness. i smelled like pizza and looked like... well i looked like i'd just rubbed oil on my head. after 3 months of this the spots started to grow in (even the two on the base of my hairline - although they started to grow in white. i'm not complaining).

i decided to take myself on a solo euro-vacation for a couple of weeks. while i was there, i noticed one new spot forming at the front of my head. a couple of weeks after that, another one started growing on the top of my head, and then another one, and another...

when you have alopecia, people tell you it's caused by stress. and then they tell you not to stress about it. this is a challenging thing to do (or not do). i should also mention that i know i'm lucky. other than a few drafty areas on my head, i'm healthy, have a job i love and am surrounded by some pretty sweet people. i do feel guilty and superficial for being upset about the hair-loss, and i definitely try to keep it all in perspective. after all, it is just hair. that doesn't mean i'm going to stop fighting to solve this problem. and it doesn't mean having 1 or 10 bald spots is any less jarring on the ego.

in december i saw a specialist who confirmed (again) that it's alopecia areata. by that point the bald spots on my head had spread a lot (and in a way that was different than before) and admittedly, i was pretty stressed about it. and then i was stressed about how stressed i was. the specialist gave me a new prescription for cortisone that i apply twice a day, and reassured me that i would likely never lose my hair. i also went to see a herbalist, who gave me "tea" to drink twice a day as a blood cleanse (did you even know there was such a thing?). it smells like dirt and tastes like nothing i have ever tasted before (in a bad way, not in a good way). it's also been known to make me barf.

when i saw my naturopath last week, she was worried about how much my bald spots had grown. and then i cried. and then she was worried about me crying. and then i worried about me crying. and then her very handsome naturopath supervisor came in, and then i cried more. but eventually i stopped and the next day i felt recharged and ready to keep trying to kick alopecia butt, and buy a new hat in case i run out of hair to cover up with. and that's what brought me here today.

i will likely never write anything this long ever again in my life. or on this blog at least.

i hope people are able to find support, inspiration or treatment ideas from this blog. or at least a laugh. or at bare minimum, a good old-fashioned eye roll.

my next posts will be more focused on specific treatments, will likely include photos (that may or may not be scary) and maybe sometimes, i'll write about dinosaurs.

i hope you check back. and i hope there's at least one you reading this.